Small towns are literally the best/worst thing to ever grace the planet. I was lucky enough to call a small town home for much of my life, and I have a serious love/hate relationship with it.
I definitely made some amazing friends, some of which I haven’t spoken to in a while and really miss, and some of which I still can’t believe I ever considered a friend. It’s funny to me how people grow up and grow apart. My husband and I are both from the same town and ran with the same group of people, and tbh I probably associate with those people more than he does. (The girls mainly…). Facebook is literally an open window into some of these people’s lives.
Just like any group of friends/people/small town kids we all grew up in different ways, some of us really blossoming and becoming incredible adults and incredible parents. And then there are the few of us who I’m pretty sure are still stuck in 2008-2009 and think that the world is a party and the only thing that matters when they wake up is getting their next fix.
I grew up in a town that was split pretty evenly between Ag/Farm kids and what most would call “the druggies”. Yes, I was one of the “druggies”. We had raves, we had parties, we experimented and had the time of our lives. I don’t regret the decisions we made! I never will, I learned a lot, I had both excellent and terrible experiences, and I lived to tell the tale.
But not all of us did. In fact, I feel as if the best of us were the ones who suffered in the end.
We lost friends and family members, jobs, scholarships, houses, vehicles, and some of us even lost our freedoms. But the worst loss of all was watching one by one as our friends either died from the abuse of drugs, ended up in jail or rehab, lost their children, or even just downward spiraled into this black hole of addiction farther than any of us ever thought possible.
I feel like the worst part of these addictions is that they’re so oblivious to it. And not that they don’t realize that this rules their lives, but that they are so oblivious to the real repercussions of what is happening. The don’t see that all the selfie’s they post on Facebook is proof that they are strung out of their minds. They don’t see the caved in cheeks, the dark circles, the acne/sores all over their faces. All they see is their next fix.
Now obviously my description is that of meth and/or pills, and not all of us got in that heavy, or did but immediately backed out. But it just breaks my heart to see some of these people that used to have so much hope and potential literally rotting in that town.
This is what addiction does to you. It rots you from the inside out. It takes control of your life and it rules it with an iron fist. It frustrates me how helpless they are to this, or how helpless they make themselves seem. It angers me that they can’t find a way to clean up and have custody of their children but they can definitely figure out where their next fix is coming from, or who spread what rumor.
I definitely don’t have “specific people” in mind, but by all means if you’re from my hometown and this post speaks to you, please, please remember that you still have time. Your world is not over, you are not a failure, you just need help.
I am no stranger to addiction and drug abuse. I am no stranger to physical/emotional/mental abuse. I understand the cravings addiction can bring. What I don’t understand is how some of these people can literally play the victim everyday of their lives and everyone around them enables them.
I am so proud of my peers that are still able to thrive in a small town. Those that were able to get away from all of this terribleness and addiction. Those that were able to step up and be the parent for their child or even the adult for themselves. Nothing makes me happier than seeing their posts on Facebook and knowing that like me, they made it out. They made it to the other side.
I wish only the best to those of my former small town friends who are still drowning in addiction. I wish happiness and answers to those of my former friends who are still pooling their money to score their next fix, still aimlessly calling around town trying to figure out where the drug house is, still spending their every day and night getting fucked up and getting nowhere.
But I am so thankful that I too am on the opposite side of that fence looking in. I only wish they could see what I see.