Once upon a time I was going to marry myself an English man, and we were going to move to the English countryside for two years so that I could legitimately have an accent. Afterwards we would return to the states and have lots of money and babies and cars and houses and I would be famous and he would be perfectly successful and all the stars would align in our names on our anniversary. And of course, we would live happily every after like all the best love stories.
Maybe a little later in life my “Once Upon a Time” turned into small town life with a smart-hardworking man who I would struggle with and fight with for most of our lives but we would attempt to build a happy foundation for our kids just to watch it all fall apart from his alcoholism and my PTSD/Anxiety.
There were lots of in between stories, but these were the two that really defined my opinion of relationships when I was younger. Shortly after the latter scenario, I decided that I would not have a “Once Upon a Time” and would instead proceed to have lots of “once” moments.
So, I found a boy, informed him that this was nothing serious and we proceeded to use each other for our needs for a few months.
Fast-forward six years later and somehow this boy has not only made his way into my heart but he has become an irreplaceable staple in my life. I married that boy and we grew into adults together and created one heck of a beautiful child. We have an amazing life, amazing jobs, a roof over our heads, the best of friends and family by our side. Some days I feel as if we could conquer anything. We really are a walking success story.
But it hasn’t been without struggles. On paper of course things look perfect, but just like every other couple in the world, we argue over stupid things and have both had to make decisions to stay.
You see, when they say opposites attract, they were clearly speaking of Justin and I. I am little miss artistic. I sing, I yell, I’m obnoxious and emotional and I love to make messes and have fun and not worry about the tiny things in life (only panic over the big things I could never control) and Justin is Mr. Logical. He is intelligent, quick thinking, organized, and ambitious. A lot of people don’t know but he is also incredibly silly and spends a lot of time just goofing off and being a typical male.
This huge difference in our personalities has caused more arguments than I care to admit. I am a “big picture” person and he is an “what about all the steps it took to get there” person. I am a “procrastinate/get it done quickly” person whereas he has to analyze each step and ensure the task gets done as efficiently as possible.
Which in many cases this works very well for us!
However, my wonderful emotional female brain likes to get upset at some of the more obvious points of his personality: logical people aren’t often the most romantic and and an engineer will most likely have a hard time putting his feelings into words.
It’s in the moments when I know he is struggling (he is much more physical in his expressions where as I will talk to you for an hour about how much I love you…lol) that I have to remind myself of all the things he does that really show me he cares. I remind myself of every moment that man has been there for me in the past six years and has not only helped me to become a better person but has grown as a person himself. I cannot express how excited I am to see where this world takes our family and I know so long as were together we can conquer everything.
Love and marriage is completely about choice. Choosing to love that person unconditionally. Choosing to go to bed and wake up with them everyday. Choosing them over everyone else always. Choosing to make your marriage work instead of walking away.
That’s not to say I don’t want to strangle him most days… But in the end I guess I just choose not to. 🙂